Tiny Bodies, Big Emotions: Helping Toddlers Master the Magic of Self-Regulation

As a therapist, toddler self-regulation isn’t about “fixing” behaviour - it’s about honouring the whole child in the moment, including their feelings, needs and environment.

Young children aren’t yet able to self-regulate because their nervous systems are still developing. In therapeutic terms, they experience emotions as ‘unfiltered contact with their environment’. So, a tantrum isn’t defiance- it’s just a pure expression of unmet needs or overstimulation.

As an Early Intervention practitioner, self-regulation is one of the most impactful areas I work with. Self-regulation in toddlers is a critical developmental milestone that emerges through the interaction of emotional, sensory and social development.

Toddlers aren’t born with self-regulation skills- they learn them through responsive, consistent caregiving. We look at how a child's ability to manage emotions, attention and behaviour is influenced by their nervous system, communication skills, environment and relationships.

If a child is struggling with self-regulation- frequent meltdowns, difficulty transitioning, or sensory overwhelm- it’s not about ‘bad behaviour’, it’s a sign they might need targeted support, such as visual routines, or co-regulation from adults.

In toddlers, especially those still developing communication, or those with neurodivergent needs, self-regulation will help them:

• Be better able to participate in activities instead of withdrawing from them;

• Help them express frustration through gestures or verbally rather than having a meltdown.

• Helps to build their attention span.

What does self-regulation look like in toddlers?

At this age, it’s not about sitting still or being perfectly calm, it’s about small, achievable steps like:

• Noticing when they’re overwhelmed (even just taking a pause to seek comfort);

• Accepting help to calm down;

• Learning to wait for their turn;

• Using signs, words, gestures or pictures to express their needs instead of hitting, shouting or crying

And yes, even non-verbal toddlers can develop these skills!

How to support Self-Regulation at home?

1. Build Co-Regulation First

Toddlers learn to regulate with someone before they can learn to regulate their own. This is coregulation. What this can look like:

• Holding or rocking your child when they’re overwhelmed

• Speaking in a calm, slow voice when they’re upset

• Taking deep breaths together (e.g., “Smell the flower, Blow out the candle”)

2. Use predictable Routines and Visuals

Routines reduce stress and increase a child’s sense of control.

• Use a visual schedule with pictures representing different activities: ‘Nap’, ‘Book’, ‘Play’, ‘Snack’ etc.

• Try ‘First-Then’ visuals: “First clean up, Then swing”

3. Introduce and Use Simple Emotion Words and Signs

Even non-verbal children can learn to label emotions using:

• Emotion picture cards

• Mirroring feelings ( “You look mad. Mad face.”)

• Introducing basic Signs: “Sad”, “More”, “Finished”, “Help”

Family Activities that Help Build Self-Regulation Skills

These are simple, everyday activities that support regulation.

1. Movement Breaks Together

Why? Because physical play helps regulate the nervous system. So try:

• Animal walks (Bear walk, Frog jumps, Bunny hops, etc.)

• Jumping on pillows or cushions

• Corridor obstacle course using everyday objects such as cushions, hula hoops, boxes, chairs, etc

2. Sensory- Play (Mess-Free Options too!)

Why sensory play? Because sensory activities help children learn to process input calmly. Try:

• Sensory trays with pasta, rice, oats, chia seeds or sand.

• Sensory Bags- Ziplocks with gel and buttons, food colouring or sprinkles

• Pop-It toys or Fidget bins (including a selection of sensory fidget toys)

• Weighted lap pads that can be used during story time to help children feel calmer

3. Story-time with Emotion Books

Why? Because books help toddlers learn to label as process emotions. Try:

• Books like “The Colour Monster” or “Grumpy Monkey”

• Pause and say things like “He’s Mad! Show me your mad face!”

4. Family Calm-down Time

Why? A family calm-down time will help toddlers and children see emotional regulation in action! Try:

Before bedtime, sit together and do:

• “Smell the flower, Blow out the candle” breaths

• Play soft music and cuddle with a weighted toy

• Stretch arms and legs while lying down

5. Modelling Your Own Regulation

Why? Because toddlers learn best by watching. Try:

• When frustrated, say, “I feel upset. I’m going to take a deep breath”

• Let your child see you use tools like stretching, walking away or asking for help.

What Progress can look like

Progress in self-regulation skills for toddlers may be subtle, such as:

• Fewer meltdowns

• More looking to you for help

• Pausing instead of reacting

• Trying to communicate (through any means

• gestures, signs, pictures, words) instead of crying, hitting or throwing

Role of the Early Intervention Practitioner

Early Intervention Practitioners work alongside families to:

• Recognise early signs of dysregulation

• Strengthen child-caregiver attunement

• Build foundational self-regulation skills through play, language and predictable routines

The goal is to always empower caregivers to support regulation in everyday moments, building a bridge between co-regulation and eventual self-regulation.

Final Thoughts

Our role as caregivers is to remain present, attuned and non-judgmental, offering co-regulation. We meet them where they are, help name what’s happening (“You’re sad, and that’s okay”), and gently support them to return to balance.

Over time, this consistent presence builds their capacity for internal regulation, not through control, but through connection!